my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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