I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
