how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
