another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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