No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
