My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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