i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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