Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have aggressive nipples.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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