she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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