if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
