Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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