This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
