I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
