if you like me you must not know who I am
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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