Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
