Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
