i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
