There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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