Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
