How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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