Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
