it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
