i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
