so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
