The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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