lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
