so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
