I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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