Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Bring me that man meat
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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