Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
