I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
