So drunk its hurt
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
