Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
