Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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