He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
