he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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