I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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