he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
