I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
