birth control should be required to get into college
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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