And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
