i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
