He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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