saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
