We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
