Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
