Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
