I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
