i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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