So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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