3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
