He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
