I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
